Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Valentines Day!

So, I blog-stalk this friend of a friend. I don't know him, but his posts have often made me laugh to tears. Awesome. I love when that happens. (he is listed on my blog as "funny guy I don't know"). I thought this post of his was appropriate for today. A little pesimistic, but funny nonetheless. Enjoy...and HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

All You Need Is...
I’d like to kick this month off right by dedicating my first post to a subject very close to my heart. So close, in fact, that it’s right inside my heart, and I’m not talking about blood… or cholesterol. I’m talking about love. Love, the topic of countless stories, movies, books, poems, and songs, is at the epicenter of fundamental humanity; so important in fact that I dare say The Beatles hit the proverbial nail on the head when they said, “All you need is love.” I mean, think about it. If all we really had were love we’d be just fine. Our days would be filled with purpose, meaning, and happiness. Peace would envelop the world in a warm cocoon of loving squishiness, and we’d never take up arms against our fellow man again. I’ve decided to make that my life’s mantra. All you need is love.
Well, unless you’re homeless. Then all you need is love, and someplace to sleep where you won’t freeze to death. Other than that, I guess, all you need is love.

Now that I think about it, what about hitchhikers? Forget love. I’ll bet they’d just settle for a ride. Also, I would say amputees’ need more than love. They probably need some kind of major surgery, physical therapy, and then some prosthesis. And as long as I’m brain storming here, what about diabetics? Are you trying to tell me that when their blood sugar plummets that a shot of love is going to save their butts? H no! Best case scenario; their feet get the axe, then they need prosthesis too. Worst case; a fat shot of insulin fast or their time's up in an hour.

And what about drowning victims? Do you think any of them are under water struggling for love? OXYGEN, PEOPLE! That’s all they need! And don’t get me started on Asian child sweatshop laborers. Do you think any of them are thinking, “Now that all my needs are being met, I could use some love.”? Answer; NO, THEY'RE NOT! They’re going to need a butt-load more than love to make it to adulthood. As their collective legal representative I demand that they receive, 1) Regular workplace safety inspections, 2) A minimum wage equal to that in the U.S., 3) Clothes appropriate for the weather and working conditions, 4) Regular meals where all the four food groups are represented, 5) Dessert, sometimes. 6) Bi-weekly employee socials and mixers where they can meet and mingle and possibly spark a romantic relationship. When these needs are met, the Asian Child Sweatshop Laborers Civil Liberties Union will drop it’s case.

You know what, now that I think about it, The Beatles were naïve, mindless nincompoops. The world needs a lot more than love. My new mantra is as follows; All you need is a warm bed, a ride, prosthesis, oxygen, minimum wage, and insulin. Love is for the birds.


skcoe said...

I gave this to all my Lunch Ladies today and they laughed until they cried. I'm telling you, he should market this stuff!

Kandis Mortensen said...

I read his post the other day and LOVED it too! I'm glad you gave me a link to this great sense of humor! Now, when am I going to see my 'prom' pics?? (As if you were sitting around bored all day!)

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Ok so Im so excited I found your blog! I said your name in my first comment and then read your other blog below about not wanting your names exposed to weirdos, so thats why my first comment was deleted! Anyways, I love you and Im adding you to my blog!

Love, Star

skcoe said...

New post! New post! NEW POST!